Fiction writers follow the “show, don’t tell” rule all the time.  You should too.

Telling is almost the default way of writing content for employee communication.  It certainly is the traditional way. Or, should we say, the habitual way. It’s time to break the habit of telling and include some showing.

Show more and tell less and your employee communication will instantly become more effective, helping to boost productivity and engagement.

Step into the shoes of your audience

Before writing, take a moment to think about what’s going to be of greatest interest to your readers/viewers.  Make that the starting point of the “story”.

There are three things that capture people’s attention when reading content of any kind:

  • Change
  • Controversy
  • Human emotion or action (the closer to the individual level, the better)

Think about this the next time you read or watch the news and see how these levers are used to create compelling stories.  In the world of employee communication, you’re unlikely to leverage controversy but that’s okay.  There’s always plenty of change and human emotion and action available!

And then she said…

An easy technique for drawing attention to human emotion or action is by adding quotes. Ideally, they are from people within the organization.  And, depending on the subject at hand, including quotes from people at all levels is best.

Tip  Don’t restrict yourself to announcements and news articles for the inclusion of quotes.  They are also effective in passive employee content such as employee handbooks, user guides and program/incentive promotional posters.

Testimonials/Endorsements

When asking people for testimonials or endorsements, ask them to describe how they felt when they saw/used/encountered the subject at hand or how it will make their work lives better.  Example: “I like the program. It’ll help me connect faster with customers.”

Insights

Seek out leaders’ perspectives on how the subject affects your business.  “I see this as a shining example of how we’re becoming an employer of choice.” or “I think this will help us drive business.”

Famous quotes

Sometimes it’s helpful to use a quote from a well-known person.  When doing this, pay attention to the relevance of the quote and the person who said it.  For example, if you’re trying to shift your culture away from transactional, production-line type workflows, you might not want to quote Henry Ford.

What’s the story?

The fact may be that your office is moving to a new location. But that’s not the story. Think about how you might share information that you are moving to a new house when having dinner with friends.

You might just blurt out “I’m moving on February 1 and my address will be…”

Or, you could share more of story and show how it might impact “the audience”:

“Next time we get together, let’s do it at my place. My new place! My real estate agent showed me a great little house in the west end. I move on February 1!”

Both get the information across, and even though there’s still some telling in the second version, it also shows that there’s space for everyone and that you’re excited about the move.

An example of more showing and less telling

This is an excerpt from an actual B2E email (edited only to protect the identity of the real company)

“As you know, we at Our Great Company have been implementing new processes and tools over the past six months to make it easier for you to collaborate and continuously improve.

On May 15, we will be rolling out last of the new tools: TimeMap. This web-based tool tracks time, topics, collaborators and outcomes.  It has an intuitive interface that is easy to learn and simple to use.  For the first six weeks, you’ll have access to TimeMap so you can learn to use it at your own pace.  It includes a Help feature that has video tutorials.  Training will also be available for six weeks following roll-out.  Drop-in sessions will be held every Monday from 11-2 and Thursday from 1-4 in the Great Hall.  Participation is voluntary.

Using TimeMap will become mandatory on July 1.”

There’s a whole lot of telling going on.  A rewrite focusing on showing might look like this: (user stats and comments are real)

“On May 15, when you sign into the network, look for this new icon: [image goes here].  Click on it and enter the world of TimeMap.  It’s the place where you’ll make note of your time, collaborators and outcomes.  A pilot group has been using TimeMap for the past four weeks. Seventeen of the nineteen participants rate the app Very Good or Excellent to use and 16 of the 19 said they found A Lot of value in the maps that the app creates.

“I thought imputing information would be a waste of time.  Then I saw the dashboard after only one week and was blown away by how easy it was to see my time sinks and collaboration gaps.”  Bob, Accounting

“It’s really sleek.”  Jared, Sales

“Easy to use.  I can enter my data quickly.”  Selma, Audit

“It’s easy to click and enter.  I’ve already used the map information to be better at collaborating and sharing my ideas.”  Ali, Customer Service

Get a 30-second sneak peek! [hyperlinked]

Note: Everyone will need to use TimeMap everyday starting July 1.  Any data you enter between May 15 and July 1 can be saved, if you want.  Check out the dashboard to find out how.

Also, drop-in training sessions will be held every Monday from 11-2 and Thursday from 1-4 in the Great Hall.  Stop by for as long as you want and as often as you want.  Expert users will be there to answer your questions and walk you through common usage scenarios.  There will also be cookies and fruit snacks!”

[button url=”https://www.liftinternal.com/employee-first-writing-style/”] Learn more about the Employee-First Writing Style [/button]

Getting buy-in for the “show, don’t tell” approach

Because the style of showing more and telling less is not the traditional way of organizational communication, leaders and other key stakeholders may not be comfortable with it at first.

If this happens to you, here are a few things you can try to show them the light:

  • Write some of the content (e.g. email, news article) in the traditional way and the “show, don’t tell” way.  Let the leader read both. Ask which was easier and more enjoyable to read.  You may need to gently remind him/her that when content is easy to read and enjoyable, employees are more likely to actually read it and absorb what it means.
  • If you are still facing resistance, respectfully ask what’s at risk by trying the “show, don’t tell” approach?  It’s next to impossible for them to have a reason that poses a real and likely threat to the business.

A closing thought

It’s never easy to break habits or allow traditions to evolve. However, learning how to use a more contemporary business tone and style leads to positive outcomes.  It also increases your overall value as an employee communication professional.